The ongoing Bipolar Wave has its ups and downs. But every now and then there is a little bit of sunshine. Thanks to my bipolar friend in the UK, this shitty day turned out to be a pretty good one. I just wanted to make a positive post for once, since I have been posting so many whiny depressing ones lately. I have had time to sit and think about my time with the Irish Gentleman and I realize that I was just wading in toxicity. That whole situation was bad, and if he hates me now then so be it. At least he can think I am a liar and a cheater, (which isn’t the case at all), and will get over me much quicker now. You know hate is a strong thing, it can be powerful fuel to the fire and it can make heartbreak seem less potent.
Anyway, on to better things. I think relationships are tough. I know yesterday was a tough therapy session in which I cried. I cried mostly because I am in agony over my disability review, all the things that have been going on in terms of mood, and my basically dead sex drive. Yes my sex drive has plummeted. I think it’s all the stress I have been under. My boyfriend has been most supportive, and I hate to think I am disappointing him. But it’s nice to know that someone doesn’t think of me a certain way and understands how bipolar can really affect someone’s moods. It’s not a medication thing either, I think it’s all in my head. I don’t even thing it’s the sexuality split. I think it is really something more. I have been feeling used by men. I feel like I have been coerced in sexual situations and I have felt very crappy about it.
But you know what there is some light at the end of that tunnel. I was reminded today that I have many people who care about me. I have a lot going in my life, and as new days approach I can say that I am a very lucky woman. I have my wonderful family, and my mom, God what a wonderful woman she is. I don’t think there is anything she wouldn’t do for me. She does so much and looks out for my well-being, and I am going to go all out come Mother’s Day, (which isn’t that far away, I can’t believe how fast 2017 is flying!)
Anyway, if you’re having a crappy bipolar day, open the window. Breathe some fresh Spring air. Winter is behind us now, and hopefully so are those really dark days. You know what would really help? A nice long shower or bath. Wash your hair and let the water just flow over you. Get some sweet-smelling body washes and soaps and finish it off with some wonderful smelling cream, (I suggest anything Bath and Body Works it’s to die for!) Then put on some nice fresh clothes and perhaps burn a candle or put on some incense. My mood has totally shifted. I feel 110% better. Now I am just enjoying the wonderful Spring Air with some fresh eggs and coffee. Life is really grand when you do the little things to take care of yourself. So if you’re having a crap day, just get up and DO something. Anything, it doesn’t matter how small.
*Raises coffee cup*
Hope you are all having a blessed day.