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So I just had an interesting hot chat with Azure this afternoon. No masturbating was involved, just a lot of heavy flirting and heated up moments about some of the videos I sent him. They were old, probably about ten years ago when I was doing a bit of experimenting with my cam. They were long-buried, but for some reason I felt the need to share those sexy videos with him, and he has masturbated to them plenty over the past few days.

Sexuality, especially mine is a tough thing. There is a good time and a bad time for it. As I was mulling over my looming, upcoming evaluation yesterday, the Southern Gentleman informed me he was going to have some “fun” before bed. Totally wrong time, and totally not interested. I am beginning to wonder if all he wants is sex, and I am thinking I may have to disappear and back off again. I am considering it, since my sex drive is not focused on him at the moment.He also keeps baiting me with action messages, (*kisses you softly* or *holds you close*) when addressing me, which I am uncomfortable with. I don’t know, I am getting a bit turned off, so we will see.

There has been another gentleman hanging around in the background the pass few weeks. We will call him Valiant. Now, I met Valiant several months ago on a chat site, and we exchanged Skype information but never really stayed in contact. Apparently, he was going through a lot of deaths in the family and wasn’t really interested in anything around that time. Of course I took it as typical “male online behavior” and just deleted him without thinking about it, because ya know why talk to someone who doesn’t really want to talk to you right? Apparently, Valiant has had terrible luck with women online. According to him, I am probably the nicest one he ever met that wanted to get to know him. The rest kind of just use him for his writing ability to get their rocks off with roleplaying, which honestly I am thinking of attempting with the Literary, but that’s a subject for another time. Anyway, this revelation happened just as I was getting sleepy (the mania in the bipolar has finally taken a backseat at night), and I felt my heart warm inside. It’s so nice to meet someone who appreciates you for you, and not what you can give them. (Imagine my distaste at the Southern Gentleman’s come ons after having my heart warmed).

There is a good time and a bad time for things folks. When someone is upset over something, don’t talk about your dick in any form or fashion, or even refer to it There is an appropriate time to feel sexy and when the timing is off, it can make someone really uncomfortable.  I don’t know if I will go back and see the Southern Gentleman now, and I feel guilty because we had just made so much progress. But if it’s not there, it’s not there, and I think it’s best if I just step back for a while.

Anyway, I am glad I found out these things about Valiant, and how much he appreciates me. I had made some audio recordings for him of me masturbating and moaning, because I know how much he enjoys kinky dirty talk. I was in a giving mood for a few nights, so I had fun with it. Sometimes, it’s nice to know that your voice really turns people on rather than the showing off of body parts. Almost like when you overhear a couple having sex and how hot it is. But yeah, knowing your value can actually put all the sex stuff on the back burner.

I have to admit, my need to visit the chats to find someone has diminished as of late, as I am coming into my own and learning to appreciate the people I have at the moment. I will admit, my new writing adventure with the Literary may start soon and I am excited, although our time differences are proving to be big obstacle. But, I am hanging on to hope that we will figure something out soon.

I haven’t masturbated in a few days, and I think it’s due to all the stress of this upcoming evaluation. I am also a bit jaded on the job front, as the jobs that I applied to didn’t respond at all. I really don’t know what I am going to do. One definitely doesn’t feel sexy when real life gets in the way, but thanks to Azure, this afternoon has been looking up. Hopefully I will enjoy some time with Valiant tonight, or even the young soldier I met by accident in a General Chat where I wasn’t even looking for anything. The skies the limit when it comes the amount of men women can have at their fingertips when looking for some action. If men only knew that if they thought with the head on their shoulders rather than sticking their cock on a cam; they can get so much farther with a lady. But you know, sometimes all someone needs is a good cum and nothing else. I suppose for those cases gents, you’re better off finding a cam girl. Yeah I know, you don’t wanna pay, but if you don’t put in the effort you’re still not going to get what you want. It’s all about timing I suppose. Women get horny too, just gotta find them at the right time I guess.

And the beat goes on, (as well the flick of my clit),

Stay tuned.