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When you are stuck with no answers, you are powerless. You sit and wait by your phone with no justice coming to you. People disappear, but not him. Not who you thought. But he did. I can’t describe the emotion I feel, but it is utter rage. Rage towards the Universe at the moment.

My bipolar wave is all-consuming. The minutes seem like hours and I have nothing I can do but wait. Was I lied to? Was it all a big joke? I feel I am at the butt of the ultimate punchline. When someone lets you down, your whole world crashes. But I will survive. I know I will. The rage within is strong. I feel like it would bust any moment, but it is slowly subsiding as reality hits in.

You were a fool for thinking things were so great and wonderful. How wrong you can be. I will disappear now that I always do. Shrink back into the hole from where I came. Just shut down and lock myself completely down. Did you really think you were worthy of love? How stupid were you? Look at yourself making all these declarations and karma is against you. Back to the old ways. The old times. Time to unblock all those you shut out and go back to way things were. Look at you, you fool. You’re a joke.

The Universe is laughing at you. Laughing at you for thinking you could be happy. What a joke you are. What made you so special? You don’t deserve love. You’re a whore, a loser, a disgrace. Crawl back in the hole from where you came.

Die slowly, it’s what you deserve.