Last night I wrote a beautiful love letter because I was still in shock and awe of the experience I had. As the dust settled and time had moved on, I realized that this great “love” was no different from the rest of the men that flowed through my life. Honestly, moments are great when you have them with someone. They are marked in time as pinnacles, when you feel your highest, most intense, and the adrenaline is sky-high.
Then the next day you wake up. You really wake up. He hasn’t texted you. You see him online and he doesn’t message you. The chase is over. You were just another one of the “conquests.” Well not this woman. I know a lot better now. What I had last night was absolutely amazing. Sharing time with an incredible man, who thinks I am amazingly beautiful and charming was monumentally heartstopping. But I realize it’s just what it was; a moment in time. I am desperately trying to latch on to something that doesn’t exist. We are worlds apart. Mentally and physically. We are both in a place where a relationship doesn’t seem plausible. It is time I accept that.
Not many would be able to have the strength to walk away from a person that gives them an amazing feeling. As a matter of fact, I was depressed most of the day and I literally had to crawl out of bed, late in the afternoon. So in doing this I am asserting myself. This man, could be potentially the next greatest love of my life. But I am going to chase him down? I don’t think so.
If the Universe has plans for us, it will let it be known. I adore my dear friend and I have a lot of room in my heart and an abundance of hope. But I refuse to wait all night by the phone. Even if I have to shake myself or slap myself, I won’t be at someone’s beck and call. Those are mind games in which I am way too old to play. “But that’s called dating,” one could argue. No, that is an exercise in futility. Einstein once described the definition of madness as doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result. That could not be a truer statement. So if chasing men has caused me irreconcilable pain all my life, why not sit back and let one chase me for once? Crazy ain’t it? What a novel idea. We will see how it goes.