So that’s it then. The sex drive is officially gone. You know I could blame meds and all that, but I don’t think that’s what it is. The insomnia is out of control again, but I don’t think it’s due to mania. Hell I am no doctor, I am just guessing. This is the oddest feeling.
To pass the time, (since I am now jobless), I have ventured into the world of roleplaying. Now, I had done my fair share on Adult Chat sites, you know “business woman meets mystery stranger at the bar in NYC and they go off and have sexy adventures all over the city.” Fun right? Almost TOO much fun. I think I exhausted that roleplay to the point where I didn’t want to roleplay anymore. But this time, I thought I would try my hand at it again, however I wanted there to be more plot involved and less smut. But that is so difficult to find! I mean I go to the PG websites and they are all kids having fun in Pokemon world, and then I go to Adult Roleplaying sites and its all smut based with gender transformation, anal play and big boobies. Is there a happy medium, or am I just looking for a unicorn?
But besides all that, I think this is sex drive related. I have almost zero spark left. I mean I haven’t even masturbated in days, and when I do, it’s the equivalent of “rubbing one out,” which is basically doing it because you’re bored and it is sort of a chore. I don’t want my sexual experiences to be about that! I want to be fun, flirty and sexy. The vixen I know I am. But what the hell happened to me? Did the libido fairies come and take away mine?
I am a loss here. Bipolar oh, why have you forsaken me? I don’t know why, but I think it has something to do with this goddamn illness that I have to live with. There is something messing me up, where I feel zilch going on down there. Even when I am having a sexy chat with a cute guy, I’m all stuck up and prudish. That’s not me. UGH!
What am I going to do?
I know. Cry. That’s a good option. Cry for my pussy. Almost like Madonna in Evita at the top of the balcony, but its my vagina singing and she isn’t crying for Argentina this time. “Don’t cry for me dear pussyyyyyyyyy”
What a weird reference but I suddenly had that playing in my head.
Yeah I’m weird, and sexually anorexic.
God help me, I think I need some female Viagra, this is ridiculous.