Sometimes as I write about my life and my exploits, I wonder if the hiatus of it all is telling me to slow down. As Christmas fast approaches and I am beyond broke, I sank into the dumps of depression last night. Through all of the craziness I am STILL craving mental stimulation. It’s CRAZY. I am so addicted to chat it’s like a drug I can’t let go of. “Who will message me next? Who is that new guy? Where are the articulate men?” That is challenge I crave. Not so much the cyber sex, because you know what, that in itself is getting lame.
I need a man to keep me on my toes. Someone well refined and cultured. One that can keep his cock in his pants for more than 90 seconds. Sounds easy enough right? YEAH RIGHT. I have thought about diving back into online dating, but OK Stupid has an inbox full of horrendous messages in there waiting for me. There was a nice message from one guy but I am not in the least bit attracted to him. Sigh, such is my luck in life.
My exploits went out of control the other night when I had about five men back and forth with me online. (One was a soldier I have known for two years that is on his third tour to Afghanistan so I gave him a quick cam boob show for his service, how patriotic of me!). The others were some Aussies that I have been messing with on and off, which includes the “Believer” who believe it or not, I am starting to get tired of. One Aussie, let’s call him “Workaholic” (cause that what he really is), is so cute I can bite him through the cam. He gets my blood going for sure. We are even talking about how cute our babies would be! I have more of a “real” relationship with him because we are on cam together which is much different than the type of “just text” relationship I have with the “Believer.” The rest of them pretty much fell off the map, (including my latest love interest Azure), and it left me with a 63 year old widower from Florida and a 54 year old married man from the UK. Can you say yuck? I was pulling my hair out last night.
Anyway, I basically slept through Thanksgiving, because my sleeping habits have been getting worse and worse. If I am to find this part-time job, I need to put forth more of an effort in getting myself together. I can make it through the holidays (I think) but come January I am officially screwed because I also need new tires. #LifeProblems. I hadn’t sunk into the depression of the bipolar hole in a while and riding through it was very difficult. I need to keep my mind and spirit occupied to avoid such relapses down into the well of the bipolar lower wave. It almost feels like an ocean wave crashing into hard snow. And as the water dips between the snowflakes you feel yourself sinking deep as it gets saturated. I have to pick up “Cemetery of Forgotten Books” again, it let to a wonderful post with an imaginative story, See Here (Intimate Stranger), and it led to a lot of likes which was so cool! I am thinking of writing more like that, it definitely got the creative juices flowing again.
Anyway, till next time.