So as I am writing this I am noticing a trend in my behavior nowadays. I have been having a lot of “fun” as it were, and not caring too much about “is this going anywhere.” I have been having a lot of trouble these days with ghosters or guys that stick around for one chat, never to be seen again. I am pretty much at the point where I have weeded out those guys and have come to rely on a few “regulars” in my life.
Case in point: The Astronomer. I pretty much gave up on him. I sent him one last message on Yahoo and that is just about all I can do. So goodbye to him, and I wish him all the best. Such a shame though, because he was so hot and intelligent. Oh well. Guitarman has also vanished into the night again, so there’s that too.
Anyway, on to my fun. I had another hot session with the Canadian, that makes it three times already in one week. I hope I am not making a pattern of being his online “booty call” or “masturbating buddy” It’s amazing how easily one can slip into that category if you’re not careful. “Azure” was a lot of fun last night too, (after my session with the Canadian), and I realize how much of a delicious slut I am starting to be. Look it’s harmless fun right? It’s not like I am out there actually sleeping with these guys. I am unsure about “Azure” though, only because I don’t find him as attractive as I did before. But, he appreciates my body in all its glory, which is something I am ecstatic about (being very self-conscious myself).
The Believer, now this is an interesting one. I am unsure about my feelings for him. As the days pass, (and there are gaps in the days we speak) my daring, less attached attitude has been quite the gift. Mind you, if I didn’t have a string of guys behind me like I do, I would probably be singing a different tune.
It is quite amazing the journey I have been on. I went from a totally dependent person to a total non-committed online sex goddess, (cue the modesty!). I will admit I have thoughts of those I lost, the friendships and bonds that were made with both the Southerner and the Virginian, which weren’t about sex, but just companionship. But hell, who am I kidding? With the way things are going, my libido has shot up ten fold. Companionship is nice, but I already have one of those type of relationships with my best friend, who has been my rock through all this. He is probably the one I will end up with in the long run anyhow.
With all that being said, I am enjoying life. Yeah my sleep pattern is kinda crazy and I have pretty much abandoned looking for a part-time job and I am just scraping by. Who knows what will happen? That’s the beauty of this life, not knowing and just going with the flow. These cyber relationships are shallow, I get that. They also don’t have much of a shelf-life, but boy they are addicting and quite fun. Between all this madness I met another man who was married but enjoyed speaking candidly about sex. He won’t end up being like the “Adulterer” but someone in between who I can share things with and won’t try the “cyber” card with me because this one actually loves his wife! I know what a shocker.
Enough about sexploits but on to the real thoughts here. I thought the bipolar would kick my ass, and I would fall into a deep depression because of the fact that these are fleeting moments with these men. But I have embraced it, welcomed it, and enjoyed it. It’s quite a different dynamic than I am used to. My previous pattern has been latch on to a guy, fall in “online love” and then eventually lashing out at him for not being more committed. How can you commit on a platform like this? I mean honestly, this whole online world is one gigantic fantasy where you can be literally anyone you want. Who wants to face the real world anyway? I have been out there, I have dated, and I gotta tell you, I am enjoying this a hell of a lot more.
Happy sexting everyone and cheers to a wonderful Friday night wherever you are! But beware who you send that message to! (LOL)
(Last minute edit, as I posted this the Astronomer reached out, how weird is that?)