So I cybered with my Canadian friend again last night, yeah, I know, what a way to start a post right! I don’t know how I get myself in these situations, but I do. I was out looking for some stimulating conversation the past few days and a couple of nice fellas just landed in my lap. I am sleeping in the day again (boooo, hissss @ me) which is not conducive to finding a job. I am learning, that if I can just get through the holidays I may not have to pressure myself to find a job until after Christmas, so in all, things are pretty good.
I shouldn’t say things are pretty good, in all honesty they are going very well. I mean it is quite unexpected that I have reconnected with the Aussie “Believer” and a few others that have long been gone, but for the most part I am okay. Usually I use this blog to bitch, complain, whine and go on and on about how this bipolar life of mine is shit, but I am not feeling too bad these days. I think of the Southerner every now and then. I hope things at his new job are going well and that he finds the girl of his dreams. I am starting to question whether or not I am cut out for monogamy and the more I think about it, the more I am leaning towards “NO” in big capital letters with quotations. Haha.
I get it. We don’t want to be alone forever. No one does. I mean I see it all the time. People scrambling, trying to find Mr.and Ms.Right when we should be enjoying Mr.and Ms.Right Now. Everyone wants the commitment, (the ladies definitely want the ring), but what happens after that? I was never cut out for the mundane. I think that’s why things crashed and burned so fast with the Southerner. I tend to be over dramatic sometimes because when I feel really close to someone I end up being let down. This is a weird stage in my life where I feel more free and accepting. To me, I think holding on too tight and expecting too much of people is what led to many of the downfalls in my relationships. Setting that expectation bar too high can lead to any normal human being’s demise, but we do it anyway because we want the ONE.
I am starting to believe we just don’t get ONE. We get many. We have to keep our horizons open and our head held high and count on the only ONE that matters, which is yourself. It may sound selfish to say so, but at 36 years old with no children and basically no responsibility, I am in a great position to say I can enjoy these years freely, kick bipolar in the ass and just live a nice life. i am having fun, (for once), and I think I am just going to let the cards fall where they will. I always play with all my cards on the table anyway, so let’s hope for the best and hope I “win it big.”
I have already won in many ways. Great people in my life, a wonderful family, money in the bank (not as much as I had hoped but I am working on that) and all my needs met, (even the sexual ones). No hassle, just a carefree existence. And yeah, my body isn’t what it once was, and many times I don’t feel beautiful, but at least I can say that I am confident that the next ten years will not be as dramatic and as crazy as the last ten. I will enter my 40’s gracefully, and await the next chapter in the adventure of my life.
Cheers to a happy future and as I sip my Jack and Coke tonight, I will say this: The simple pleasures are what make life worth living, so enjoy them while you can.
On to the next thing…..