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sunrise2

So with Donald Trump’s win, of course everyone is in shock and panic. That’s what happens when you think you’ve got everything locked up and secure, then something just comes around, knocks you out and makes you realize, “this isn’t what I thought.” Look I don’t care who you voted for, but I just find it amazing that when you are up against unmistakable odds you can still come out as the victor. I always wanted a work ethic like that. To have the drive and force to keep pushing and keep going. No one really liked Trump. But his force was undeniable. He spoke to people. People who had enough. He went to the smallest counties, where no one had a voice. The country showed us big city elitists that Hollywood and the media doesn’t control America, the little man does. We always had the voice.

Anyway, I won’t go more into politics, because I may lose my followers if I do! I just know that I feel different today. It is bleak outside in New York, cloudy and dark. There are a lot of people out there in fear today because they just can’t believe what happened. I’d like to think I could do that you know? Come back out of this bipolar haze of a life and make something of myself. Be someone again. Have a voice, and contribute something to society. I didn’t get my Cost of Living increase for my disability this year. And I am sure the millions of veterans who have PTSD didn’t get theirs as well. I needed that, because everything went up. My insurance also went up. Everything is just so expensive. So yes, maybe the country did make a mistake yesterday, but a lot of people are tired of losing everything they worked for.

The “Believer” came back, maybe for a short time this time. I don’t know what I am going to do to be honest, because I can’t live on his “Aussie” time. I had some kind of structure with the “Adulterer” but that was doomed to fail because he was a bit too intense for me. He cheats on his wife with online women and even though he promised me loyalty, what is loyalty to an adulterer anyway? The Southerner and I said our goodbyes. He was nice but he needed to figure out his own life. There is something to be said when you feel as if you’re carrying someone and all the conversation. Online relationships are hard, especially when all you have is communication and one of you never has anything to say. That ran out of steam quickly, and although I felt a bit insulted that he said I should be a “cam model” because of the sex stuff we did, the fact that I no longer didn’t feel turned on by him had nothing to do with that. He wasn’t a challenge enough for me.

Shit, you know, I don’t know what I am looking for. Maybe I am not meant for anyone. Maybe I am just meant to keep flying through the breeze. Just stick to what I know and who I know and all the rest will fall into place.

But it is a New Day. Maybe I am hoping for a dream to come true. A miracle. Miracles do happen, after all, even though we may not notice or see it.

 

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