You know just last night my last post was an actual letter to God. I had a little bit of a breakdown in faith, and it made me question a lot of things. Things were really heating up with the Literary, and I was really starting to fall for him. How could I so fast when I was just hung up on “guitarman” you ask? Well its the way he writes. I am so fond of words and what they can do. The power of words = the power of minds. So much can be done with words.
Anyway, so I hadn’t spoken to God in what felt like forever but I remember asking this: “show me something, give me a sign, do something, anything.” Well ask and you shall receive.
My friend on a chat site had went to Europe for six weeks and took amazing pictures. I had cancelled my old facebook account and opened a new one last year for the sake of this blog. You know “to get the word out” Anyway, I log onto Facebook (which I hadn’t done in months), and I get a list of friend suggestions as soon as I login. And there he is. The Literary. In all his glory. With…dun dun dun…his arms around his GIRLFRIEND. There you have it. Busted.
Was that really God’s plan? Considering I haven’t spoken to Him in so long and I ask for direction and he shows me this, yes, yes I think it is. I don’t know what higher power is out there, but it is certainly looking out for me.
The funny thing is, I don’t love the Literary any less. His is a great writer and our collaboration is fantastic. Yeah sure it was nice that I was getting attention, and it was getting a little hot and steamy, but can you blame me? The man has a master of words and can get any panties wet. And I am not talking a crude two or three sentences. I am talking paragraphs of well thought out seduction and well thought out ideas. He is amazing and I am in complete awe of him. Yeah he lied. Who doesn’t lie though? If he told me he had a girlfriend would I have spoken to him in the depth that I did? Probably not.
This is dangerous territory, I know it. He can easily just cut me out and say he can’t do it. He might just do that. The thing is I don’t care about that either. I have my best friend. I have another good friend in the UK. I have people in my life who care about me so much that if this falls apart and I break, I will be okay. The reason I am okay with this is, as much as I love being in love and having sexual feelings for someone, I don’t truly believe in monogamy. Now I am not saying I am going to run around sleeping around everywhere, I am saying I don’t think there is just ONE person meant for everyone. I don’t think you get just one soulmate. Love has so many different levels and shades to it. That is what God is trying to tell me. To follow my instinct. He showed me the Literary for what he was and allowed me to see that I better not fall too hard or into my usual pattern.
Life is a funny thing. Never take the messages for granted. I wasn’t a believer for a long time but I am now. I was given a gift and shown the way. I may not know what is going to happen but i am going to enjoy myself. I only get one life and if I pay attention to the signals and the warnings I will get through just fine. I will love the Literary for his skill and his writings, but I will be cautious. I won’t dive right in no matter how bad I want to. Man, I haven’t played the “other woman” role in so long. But hey, one is never out of practice right? So thank you God for making me an adulteress? Nah, that can’t be right. But you know what its MY conversation with God. Its MY personal relationship with Him, so everyone else’s opinion of what is right and not right can kiss the biggest part of my ass.
I was given a sign. i am a believer, That is all that matters.