, , , , , , , , , ,


Where are you now? Like where ARE you? Do you have a stable career? Do you have someone who loves you? Are you BORED? Are you so busy that it is 3 am and you finally have some downtime and so you’re reading this?  Well I envy you. YES, YOU. You have it good my friend. Me? I am batshit crazy central.

My past few posts have been about the “guitar player” and damn that man can strike those strings. He’s so goddam sexy….Wait. There I go again. *Slaps self* Ahh, that’s better. I understand now. You know what the problem is with chatting to someone online before you meet them?  You just don’t know them man. You have NO IDEA who this person really is.  We’re off in our little bubble texting, flirting enjoying the “good morning bae” and “goodnight bae” texts, (pukes uncontrollably at the thought of this “bae” crap). We have no clue that this person is who we made them to be in our head.

The guitar man broke it down for me. And damn did that shit knock me to the floor as the ultimate truth..”What I appear to be has everything to do with WHERE YOU ARE LOOKING FROM.  Its not so much about me, or what you feel just about me….its a great deal about what you feel about yourself as well – keep in mind that this is FILTERED. We don’t get the glitches, annoying habits, little everyday shit that drives one ass backwards crazy.  I’m just saying that it is, as of yet, I’m still primarily a product of your making and you find certain traits that you prize.  I have a couple in gigantic proportions so you single those out then assemble a man of your taste that has my appearance, gifts, and primary traits but you aren’t able to assimilate the amnesia, the addiction, the turrets, the temper, the bullshit.”

Preach it. Preach it guitar man. Yeah he broke it down alright. “We make a man of our own making based on traits we like about them and then assemble this man in our own head.” How the hell is the real life version of this man EVER gonna compare?

I sat here for days, DAYS, pining over someone who is absolutely freakin nuts! This man is so crazy that doctors can’t help him.  After laying his “truth” to me he began these rants of sheer nonsense that just had me floored.  Man he can strike those strings. Man he can dance with my heart, and DAMN does he look good. But he is an idea. A dream I thought of in my head.

Strike those guitar strings, cause damn you can do it. But you’re nuts man. And I think I am crazier that I became obsessed with you.  I literally wrote gut-wrenching things straight from the heart cause let’s face it, I’m a romantic.  I saw us together wallowing in our destitution.  I relate to this man. Hell yes I do. But its scary now because I saw the “real” him.

People say when you’re dating that all that comes out.  And that dream of a man slowly disappears from those initial texts that felt oh, so good. They ghost, they get nuts, or they turn out to be the biggest jerks in the world. In my case though, I would like to call it “crossing stars.” I shot out to the universe for a man to make me feel again, it shot back down a man who did EXACTLY that. It didn’t make it perfect, but it was good to feel again. Oh guitar man will be forever in my life, that’s for certain, but not in the aspect of a lover or the obsession that I was mulling over. No sir-eeee.

I jumped on the crazy train already.

Only room for one passenger at the moment.