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What is it? Is it all just hormones? Do your man parts and my lady parts co-mingle nicely so now you are in love? What kinda crap is this? And what is this thing called a soulmate? I honestly think people just throw that around like the word “love.”

I don’t think I ever have known what love was.  Although I am slowly beginning to understand. In this digital age, no one really takes the time to get to know each other anymore. It’s always “on to the next”  What I mean is, does this person pick their nose? Okay, you’re gone, let me find someone who doesn’t pick their nose.  Did this person come over to my house and leave the seat up/down?  Well its my bathroom, and you have no right to move my toilet seat, so yeah, you’re gone too.  Does his/her nose look a little big in this pic? Does this person have a misplaced mole on their face?  Is he/she too fat? (Meanwhile you are shoving gallons of ice cream and lard in your mouth)  What hypocrites we are! I mean really?

What I am saying is we are going overboard on what we think the “perfect mate” is. They pick their nose, you pick your nose, so stop dumping them because they pick their nose! Hey it’s better than picking your butt in public right? God knows what would happen if they did that! But I digress, we need to stop this shit.  It’s getting old. People wonder why they are alone, (yes lard shovers and nose pickers I am talking to you).  We expect way too much of a mate, when we ourselves are flawed. I am not just picking on you either. I am guilty of this. I would never date a fat beer belly gutted man, even though I am clearly a big fatty mcfatterson myself.  Is that wrong? Sure! That’s why I haven’t gotten laid in 6 years and porn is my best friend. (Gotta take care of yourself you know, and who better equipped to please me but myself).

Anyway, what I am getting is how do you know when you’re in “love?” It’s when you except the nose picker!  Don’t write someone off because they have a disgusting habit that you probably have too.  And don’t do it so quickly too. Give the guy/girl a chance. Love grows over time. It’s like a seed that needs time to grow or a flower that needs time to bloom.  I miss the days when we only had one choice and that was it. There are just too many choices out there.  We pass the love of our lives every day, whether it be online or just in person. That could be the next “one” if we just give them a chance. No one is perfect, so we should really stop looking for that perfect mate.  They don’t exist. We are chasing a ghost.

Me, personally, I have someone in my life that I used to date but we couldn’t make it work sexually. I loved him dearly in spite of all the difficulties, but he just wasn’t in a place to love me back. So we broke up. The story should have ended there but we remained friends. As the years went on and I went from guy to guy, my best friend was always there by my side. He never dated anyone else, and always stayed loyal to me. Why? I have no idea.  But when I was hospitalized during Christmas, he came and spent Christmas Day with me. He gave up his own plans with his family and spent the day in a mental ward with all these scary people around him to stay with me. NO ONE would have done that for me, if they didn’t love me. So we couldn’t connect sexually, who gives a crap. People are out there banging their heads (and headboards) all around and they are no closer to finding love.  I found my love because I invested in it.  I let it grow. So next time the nose picker or the toilet seat bandit shows their true self, remember you are not perfect yourself, so don’t expect the other person to be too.  Maybe then you will find out what this thing called “love” is. (By the way my best friend/love of my life is a nose picker, fat like me and leaves the toilet seat up).