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As the title suggests, mental illness plus addiction is the hardest demon to fight. It is invisible and it looms over you. You think you have won the battle when in reality you haven’t.  Every time I wake up, I slowly crawl out of bed and just crave a drink. Just don’t you want to just get drunk and just lay there? Just sit and get plastered then crawl into the oblivion from where you came? I struggle with these thoughts every day, and the only thing that stops me,. (besides laziness), is I know in my heart of hearts that it isn’t the answer. No, the answer isn’t getting plastered. No, the answer isn’t crawling under the rock. It’s fighting another day.

My message of hope, I hope it gets heard. As a blogger all you can hope for is that someone out there who may be struggling will see your post and feel better that they are not alone. That someone out there understands their plight. That in the darkness there is some light to shine through.

I often wondered what my life would be like in my 30s. Sitting in my room alone growing up, I wished for freedom. Freedom to go out in the world and see what was out there. Well I went out there and got SEVERELY disappointed.  Disappointed in myself, disappointed in humanity, just disappointed with life. Is this all there is? Is there nothing more? Is this all I have become?  Those big questions nag my mind all the time. Is there nothing more than staring down the nose of that empty bottle thinking to myself I have failed again? How do you fight that invisible demon? You BREATHE. You LIVE. You make yourself get out of bed and do something your heart desires. Something you are passionate about.

My passion is writing. I understand what its like to be alone. I understand writer’s block. I understand the need to put down into words feelings that you can’t express to others. Make this your escape. Crawl out of that bed, or crawl out of that bottle, and make a difference today. You never know, you may touch someone in an inspirational way. I am here. I am saying I love you.  Even when no one else will say it. I will. I love you because you are reading this. I love you because I understand your struggle. YOU aren’t this demon. Don’t let it consume you. Let it be your freedom.