Have you ever had a nice chat with someone and then “poof” they are gone? This idea of ghosting has been fascinating to me as of late. I recently found myself in a discussion with a younger guy about this. “What is it that you are looking for when you chat?,” he asks me. “I want a long lasting deep connection and friendship,” I replied. Apparently I am VERY mistaken.
For those of you out there online dating, I can understand your frustration. You talk to a guy, everything is going well and then “poof” into oblivion they go. I am not online dating. I took myself out of that pool a long ass time ago. I decided that I liked chatting though, and I am very clear that I have no interest in meeting, but a nice digital friendship would be nice to have. You know someone you can text/talk and just be friends with. Someone you could count on, and MAYBE one day you hit it off and fall madly in love? Yeah I know I am pushing it.
What I realized was that when it comes to online dating or even chatting with someone over the internet, the days of “buddy lists” are long gone. You know you see someone come online and you’re like “hey!” and they are like “hey!” and you’re off chatting and catching up. Not anymore. Since the days of AOL chatrooms and Yahoo chatrooms have long since gone, other ways of chatting have become more difficult to keep friendships going. Oh sure Paltalk is around , and its like Yahoo but the people are so blah there and they just want to see your boobs and they just want to show penis on cam. I think that’s what happened to chatting. People (especially guys) go online just to flash their junk (the chatroom version of the infamous “dick” pic) and hope that someone might be enjoying it? Really dudes?
Now don’t get me wrong not ALL dudes look for that, but they don’t want to “commit” to anything either. I have recently been lurking around some other sites like Chat Avenue and Wireclub, and I have noticed that no one wants to have a meaningful connection. You meet, you chat, exchange information, and “poof” they are gone forever. I was very frustrated with this when I realized that I (as in myself) do the same exact thing! I have ghosted on people too because the conversation is so dull and boring, and the “excitement” of getting to know someone new is no longer there. Is that what I have become? Yet I am here complaining that people don’t maintain and can’t commit to friendships? Do you see how hypocritical that is?
What I have discovered is that people, when they are out dating and out “chatting” on the interwebs, they are out looking for the newest “fad” the newest “rush” of meeting someone new and aren’t at all interested in the sweet girl they had a 5 hour conversation with the night before. (Mind you I understand people are really busy and have a lot going on in their lives and can’t sit and chat at a computer all day). But what about the people spending countless hours swiping left and right, logging on to dating sites and just hanging around taking up space in a chatroom? Because its the addiction ladies and gentleman. That rush of the “brand new shiny red car” or “the new shoes.” Everyone wants something “new” and I think this applies to the actual dating world too. Why meet Bob at a bar, when Ted, Jake, and David are just a swipe away and they may be cuter and more interesting than Bob? Its fascinating! Point being as Aziz Ansari put it in his awesome book “Modern Romance” people just have way too many damn choices.
So the next time you gripe and complain that you have been “ghosted” ask yourself this: How many people have YOU ghosted this month? Why didn’t Harry ever contact me? Why don’t people want to have meaningful connections anymore? Oh oops……Charlie, Sam and Kevin are messaging me….shit. I don’t feel like answering them right now, let me go online and sit in a chatroom and find someone new. *Hangs my head in shame*