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Being bipolar we often feel a little dark cloud is always hovering over us, unable to breathe, unable to move. Love feels like a million miles away. Love for yourself as well as others. I am at a point where I feel there is no point to anything anymore. Nothing brings me joy. I just kind of hover over dating sites, chat sites and feel empty.

There is hope of course. There are a few that brings brightness to my day that I truly appreciate. But this feels like a hollow place in my heart. I am unsure of feelings, I am unsure of reality. When I was high and manic, everything made sense and there was no worries or a care in the world. I felt in control, empowered. Why do I feel so weak now? Why is it that people have so much to look forward to, but I am left feeling alone. So alone. I plan on calling “The Virginian” soon. He called after what felt like months. I remember what it was like to be in love. I remember what it felt like to matter.

Now I feel small.

And alone.

So alone.