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So I get it now. People out there don’t give a shit. They don’t give a shit about you, what you have been through, your hopes your dreams. They just want to get “off.” I get it now. Took a dose of reality for me to get it tonight, but I got it.

I go looking for good conversations in the wrong places. There is an “adult” chat room that is on this interweb, that has at least 1600 people in it at a time. Most chatrooms have about 200 people on a good day. But 1600 compared to 200 is like wow! Now I am aware that people in the adult chat are after one thing, but it is also known that there are some very literate writers that enjoy to roleplay or just conversate.  I have met a few of them and had good times! All good, one shot deals, may exchange information but will never see them again. I get that. But after a while you are just craving more. Maybe an online buddy that you can keep in contact with and enjoy their company and share a few laughs. What happened to those days? People go online, get “off” and leave. Is that what really happened?

I hate to break it to you folks, it is. I love to chat. I have been chatting for years. I remember the day of buddy lists, when you saw a friend online and its like “hey its good to see you again, I really enjoyed our conversation” Now you log on to an anonymous website as some explicit name and do your “business”

I got blocked tonight by a nice gentleman that I was going to have contact with because (I think) I was too open about my bipolar. I was shamed for having a mental illness. I went back on the site and met another guy who basically asked me “why do you come on here and tell people you’re looney?” “This is ultimately a chatroom I will never see these people again, so whoever you are and with whatever you’re going through, I don’t really give a shit.” Bang! Just like that it became clear. Why was I going there and talking about my sob story? These people are there to get off and have fun.

Then I remembered. There were some, not many, that DID really care. That didn’t just look at me to orgasm with, but wanted to know about me and what made me tick. Yeah they “ghost” and I never see them again and that hurts, but why am I subjecting myself to this torture? Because I am obsessed. I am obsessed with the fact that I may actually find someone to connect with and really build something. I am definitely looking in the wrong place, so I have to slap myself a few times before actually going back there, if I ever will again.

Fact is, this bottom of the barrel site is where most people with their sick fetishes end up. I thought if I stuck around these in your face “real” people I will ultimately find what I was looking for. And I did tonight. Cheers to a hard dose of internet reality! People just want to get off, that’s all it is. And for you online daters, they just want a roll in the sack. That’s it. Its that simple.

Welcome to 2016, and if you’re a single female on the internet or on a dating site, be prepared to be a slut, cause that’s what they want.