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Here I am.  Over a week sober and needing a dam drink.  You know sometimes I go months without drinking but did you ever notice when you make a conscious effort to do something its infinitely harder?  Just one drink.  Just 100.  I just want to drink to sleep.  Oh god sleep.  My mind is racing.

The Gambler.  Lets talk about him.  He is an addict.  Five years clean from taking a bet. Can I go five years without taking a drink.  Just get through a day he tells me.  How bout I get through a day not pining love for him?  Ugh, you did it again, you stupid stupid girl.  Falling in love over the internet is a whole mess of trouble you know this. Especially when you are trying to fix yourself up.  The Power of Now.  God what a pain in the butt.  They say live in the moment.  Screw the moment! My moment right now sucks.  I am exhausted but can’t sleep.  I will call my best friend in a few hours and he will get so annoyed that I am falling asleep on the phone yet AGAIN.  I don’t know why I can’t sleep.  Chronic insomnia brought on by butterflies for a new man. God he is cute, A whopping smile that makes me melt, hard cleft chin, big strong arms, cute butt I wanna bite…lemme stop right there.  *SLAPS SELF*

He says we have to live in reality.  At the end of the day he is in the UK I am in New York.  What good can come of that?  *SLAPS SELF*  Love has no boundaries, has no limits.  I can love thousands of miles away because my heart is open and willing.  Sigh. I think I am doomed  to be alone forever. Dam, where is that drink?