Here I am. Over a week sober and needing a dam drink. You know sometimes I go months without drinking but did you ever notice when you make a conscious effort to do something its infinitely harder? Just one drink. Just 100. I just want to drink to sleep. Oh god sleep. My mind is racing.
The Gambler. Lets talk about him. He is an addict. Five years clean from taking a bet. Can I go five years without taking a drink. Just get through a day he tells me. How bout I get through a day not pining love for him? Ugh, you did it again, you stupid stupid girl. Falling in love over the internet is a whole mess of trouble you know this. Especially when you are trying to fix yourself up. The Power of Now. God what a pain in the butt. They say live in the moment. Screw the moment! My moment right now sucks. I am exhausted but can’t sleep. I will call my best friend in a few hours and he will get so annoyed that I am falling asleep on the phone yet AGAIN. I don’t know why I can’t sleep. Chronic insomnia brought on by butterflies for a new man. God he is cute, A whopping smile that makes me melt, hard cleft chin, big strong arms, cute butt I wanna bite…lemme stop right there. *SLAPS SELF*
He says we have to live in reality. At the end of the day he is in the UK I am in New York. What good can come of that? *SLAPS SELF* Love has no boundaries, has no limits. I can love thousands of miles away because my heart is open and willing. Sigh. I think I am doomed to be alone forever. Dam, where is that drink?