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kissThe lust, the longing. Sometimes loving online is like an everlasting chaste kiss.  I have had only one kiss in the past 4 years.  Crazy huh?  When you look for quality over just anyone willing that’s where things get complicated.  I could date. Accept kind offers from the nice suitors at the local coffee shop or at a bar.  Put myself out there on Match.com or Eharmony again.  I even got messaged by a real nice guy on OK Cupid recently.  But my heart just isn’t into it.

Beowulf.  That’s what I call him.  Tall Viking God.  He is what the ancients called a gladiator, powerful warrior.  Swinging his battle axe on the field cutting down warriors, long beautiful thick luxurious blond hair flowing in the breeze.  God, the man is beautiful. Seeing him on cam just made it worse, because then I could say the pictures were exaggerating somehow.  Not even close.  My deep dark eyes of my west indian/arab/portuguese/latin culture can gaze into his deep blue godlike eyes of his Norwegian culture.  Our kids would look amazing if we had decided to have any.

So what do I do?  Go for the obvious choice?  Just throw it all away and go for someone local?  Because its convenient?  Our online chats and even phone conversations are on a descriptive sexual level.  Descriptive role play and very sensual.  Deeply exciting and way beyond anything sleazy.  Not to mention the hours spent just talking about science and the world. It almost feels like a dream.  Its not possible someone can be that handsome, smart, funny and single.  But he flies off the radar as I do. Hiding in the shadows for the past 5 years, he has been right there with me but just on another spectrum of the shadow.  Two different sides of the same coin, it is time one of us was seen.  Me, my voice heard, my words seen.

But so far I am living life like a chaste kiss.