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Just numb now.  Not manic or depressed, just numb.  I don’t usually talk about my bipolar much, only because there isn’t much to say anymore.  What can I say?  I miss the mania.  The high.  Oh man, was it good.  I lost a ton of weight on that high.  It was amazing.  I hate the way I look, oh geez, do I ever.  My self-esteem always a major problem for me.  Is that linked to the bipolar or depression?  Does the pendulum always have to swing so extremely?

Living with bipolar isn’t easy.  I find myself in a crying fit over the silliest things, or just nervous and anxious at same said silly things.  People out there have real problems! That’s what I keep telling myself.  But you know they do.  They can’t make rent, they can’t feed their children, and here we are, poor little us with our bipolar.  Cancer patients dying out there, amputees coming home from war, victims of merciless crimes. Here we are poor us with our measly bipolar.

I never thought of it in those terms.  Maybe during my next crying fit, I will take a good long hard look at myself and see what I am, and where I am in this life.  You know its not so bad.  The whole thing isn’t so bad.  Stop making it into a federal case.  Just stay calm.  Stay numbly bipolar.